Philly Cheese-Stakes

Barack Obama boasts higher numbers than his Democratic opponent in almost every conceivable campaign measure. Except for the crucial category of desperate maneuvers. Rocky? Really, Hill? You're going to compare yourself to a small-time, mush-mouthed, hired thug who LOST to the charismatic champ after brutally "going the distance"? Well, I can believe the thug part. Meanwhile, John "I will follow Bin Laden to the gates of hell" McCain is touring America with his one-man performance of Rambo.

How soon before someone with too much time on his hands points out that Apollo Creed was black? Not that I'm accusing Clinton of race-baiting. That would be cynical. No, she's just pivoting off the popularity of Philadelphia's favorite son. Is it even necessary to point out that Balboa is fictional? Kind of like Clinton's chances at a (legitimate) claim to the nomination...

Also, Philadelphia was recently voted as the least attractive city in the United States. It has nothing to do with what I'm saying, of course, but my friend Jake moved there not too long ago and I think it's worth noting. Coincidence?

For the record:

• Carl Weathers did his best work on Arrested Development, the onetime best t.v. show (and future movie?).
• Obama's recent attempt to pander to the bowling crowd was likewise a mistake. A "37," Barry? Serves you right for rollin' on Shabbos.
• I am not criticizing McCain's sacrifice as a P.O.W. Just capitalizing on the analogies to Stallone one can make with a casual glance at IMDB. I would prefer, however that he tone down the "gates of hell" talk. The concept of a "War on Terror" is tenuous enough without taking it to the metaphysical realm. And talk about your potential for a quagmire! Purgatory would make 100 years in Iraq look like a Weekend at Bernie's. Which, now that I think about it, undercuts my point. That movie felt unnecessarily long.
  
• Jake reads this blog and occasionally makes fun of me. He should know I can throw a punch, too.
• Obama should compare himself to another Philadelphia heavyweight: The Fresh Prince. If he adopts that theme song for even a week, the 18-30 vote will be a f&*%in' lock. "In West Philadelphia, born and raised..."