"Cats and dogs, living together...mass hysteria!"

This won't be the first time this blog has taken a feline-centric turn and it won't be the last, but this remixed viral video from Slate is pretty clever.

Clever like a cat.

Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to Bailey, Matt & Judi's new golden retriever puppy. Not only will you have to live with Flannery, the Demon-Spawn, but you'll also have to endure your formative months with Matt teaching you how to behave. Oh, sweet, impressionable Bailey. Good luck coming out the other side even halfway normal.

Dogs can read blogs, right? It (kinda) rhymes, so it must be (kinda) true.

Apples to Apples

Let me go on the record as saying that until there is genuine/massive reform in the area of campaign finance, Americans live in what can only be described as a plutocracy. Therefore, charges of "elitism" and "who's richer than whom" among politicians are the easiest (and most banal) of campaign attacks. I don't see much to be gained by comparing the body counts of Hitler with Stalin's with Mao's with Saloth's. And I see even less to be gained by comparing Bush with Kerry with Obama with McCain in terms of their personal finances.

That being said, this is gorgeous:



It gets extra points for rejuvenating a catchy tune that has saturated the commercial market.

More "Fun with Feist" on Sesame Street:

I'll Have What He's Having

Back from the trip with much to tell, especially about the gastrointestinal delights and debacles I met with in The South.

Until I muster the courage to detail my introduction to chitlins, enjoy this:

The Devil Went Down to Georgia...

...I'm going to Tennessee. Off to Memphis for a week or so to visit my esteemed friend and road dog, Mr. William Joseph Childress. For those of you familiar with Willis, you know that I'm in for some good hospitality, hearty laughs, and memorable meals.

We'll be taking side trips to Louisiana and Kentucky as well and most likely hatching nefarious schemes for future travel now that he and his wife Lacey are back from their two-year stint in China with the Peace Corps.

Have a great week, everyone.

PS. Speaking of old friends, check out this cartoon by my friend/former housemate James "Clocktower" Parkinson, who is now doing stand-up comedy out in Seattle. He sent it to me the other day. I haven't told him yet, but I think his T-Rex voice sounds like Professor Frink. The roar is delightful, though. As is the humming of the Jurassic Park theme at the end.

All Aboard the Pickles Bus!

"Let's take this show on the road, shall we?"

Awhile back, I wrote a post on half-dill pickles. Just for funzies, I sent it to McSweeney's "Reviews of New Food." They wrote back almost immediately to tell me that I'd be published.

And today I was. Check it out. Third entry down.

Rainbow Connection?

I would laugh harder at this if I knew more about the lady. If she's just your run-of-the-mill, paranoid conspiracy nut, that's one thing. If she's genuinely disturbed, that's another.

Aside from being a clinic in how to misspell words and how to hold your camera at arbitrary angles (at the end), it makes for an idiosyncratic but nonetheless concise example of how badly the public's trust in the government has eroded. Much of this is for good reason (the Pentagon Papers, the trumped up intelligence on Iraq), much of it isn't (the Moon Landing, the fluoridation plot).

Anyway, if there is a conspiracy involving rainbows, I wouldn't finger the government first. My bet is on it being the vanguard of the Pro-Gay Agenda with its "San Francisco values." Maybe even the Log Cabin Republicans. They're just growing their brand. Why not grow a little grass at the same time?

Movin' on Up

Courtesy of The Daily Dish:



There is something deeply funny about that. Also: seventy-five years is an eternity in world-historical time.

E-Month: The Wrap

Well, if this month's experiment with a biking-only existence were real science, the data would be...inconclusive. I went three full weeks sticking to the plan. Then I got a flat tire. And then the rains came. And then certain errands (for which a car was considerably more convenient) beckoned. None of these obstacles was insurmountable, but - taken together - they vanquished my enthusiasm.

Ironically, I feel healthier since I broke down and used my car. I'm going to the gym more often now that it's easier for me to do so. So let's grade this lab, shall we?

Performance - C-
Mission Accomplished? - F
Fun (when it wasn't raining) - B+
Fitness (due to my lack of ambition) - C
Better Understanding of the Effect of Local Infrastructure on Lifestyle - A-

I feel a modicum of lameness for not following through, but I did get a taste for it, which was the point all along.

Anyway, speaking of potentially unattainable goals, I'm trying to raise $527 on my Obama fundraising site. Please give a few dollars if you're willing and able.

Straight Talk on Gay Adoption

I've corrected student essays from lower-level classes that don't mince words as badly as this:

STEPHANOPOULOS: What is your position on gay adoption? You told the “New York Times" you were against it, even in cases where the children couldn’t find another home. But then your staff backtracked a bit. What is your position?

MCCAIN: My position is, it’s not the reason why I’m running for president of the United States. And I think that two parent families are best for America.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Well, what do you mean by that, it’s not the reason you’re running for president of the United States?

MCCAIN: Because I think — well, I think that it’s — it is important for us to emphasize family values. But I think it’s very important that we understand that we have other challenges, too. I’m running for president of the United States, because I want to help with family values. And I think that family values are important, when we have two parent — families that are of parents that are the traditional family.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But there are several hundred thousand children in the country who don’t have a home. And if a gay couple wants to adopt them, what’s wrong with that?

MCCAIN: I am for the values that two parent families, the traditional family represents.

STEPHANOPOULOS: So, you’re against gay adoption.

MCCAIN: I am for the values and principles that two parent families represent. And I also do point out that many of these decisions are made by the states, as we all know. And I will do everything I can to encourage adoption, to encourage all of the things that keeps families together, including educational opportunities, including a better economy, job creation. And I’m running for president, because I want to help families in America. And one of my positions is that I believe that family values and family traditions are preserved.

Huh? Get some sleep, Senator. It's a looong way 'til November.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

One of my favorite Chris Farley routines from SNL was his role as the hapless and ham-fisted - yet endearing - interviewer. He spoke to celebrity heavyweights as a man on the street, asking obvious questions and more often declaring a movie's awesomeness than actually performing any journalistic function.

If he'd been a political wonk rather than a movie buff, the skit might've gone something like this:

Hey, remember way back in August of 2007 when Obama said "If we have actionable intelligence about high-value terrorist targets and President Musharraf won't act, we will" and he was called "irresponsible" and "dangerous" by his Democratic opponents? And the White House backed away, emphasizing joint action? And then last month, the U.S. conducted its fifth strike against al-Qaeda targets in Pakistan since January?

Yeah, that was awesome.

Remember...remember when Obama said it's important for the U.S. to conduct talks with enemies as well as allies, that we can't afford to simply freeze out leaders of rogue nations, and that stubbornness is not synonymous with strength? And Clinton called him "naive" and Bush went out of his way (Israel's out of the way, right?) to paint him as an appeaser? And then this past week it was announced that officials from the State Department would meet with Iranian nuclear affairs officials without Iran first meeting the precondition of suspending its enrichment of uranium?

Yeah, that's what they call...call a "reversal," right?

Remember when Obama set forth a plan and timetable for troop withdrawal, saying that the onus of long-term security should be placed on the shoulders of Iraqis? And that U.S. soldiers were needed elsewhere, especially in Afghanistan? And he was called a typical, cut-and-run liberal, pining for surrender? And then this week Bush & Nouri al-Maliki agreed to a general time horizon for reducing combat forces in Iraq? And Maliki publicly declared his support for Obama's plan?

That was f%#$in' awesome!

I'm sure Obama can expect apologies from his critics any day, right? At this point, I'm not sure if the media's failure to cover this reflects their willful ignorance or their incredulity at an "inexperienced" candidate using "good judgment." The cognitive dissonance must be deafening.

In other news, I saw The Dark Knight yesterday. Believe the hype. I will be seeing it again next month. In Memphis. In IMAX.

Mileage is up to 136.33. I did NOT ride my bike to the theater last night. Thunderstorms and tickets to the midnight showing made two wheels seem like an imprudent choice. Lame, I know. But nearly three weeks in, I'm learning how un-bike-friendly my suburban environment is. My neighborhood has a Walk-Score of "15" out of 100. This is classified under "car-dependent," which to my mind is a good indicator of a similarly low - however hypothetical - Bike-Score.

Shrews, Untamed

This was on The Daily Dish a few days back. Definitely worth a look:


Link: sevenload.com

E-Day + 16: More Than Halfway

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Not a bad jib-jab. Better than a terrorist fist jab at any rate. Things are quiet here. Mileage count is up to 112.99, well below my stated goal of "biking as much as possible," but hopefully that will pick up in the weeks to come. I have noticed that I've become much more efficient in my travels since shedding the engine.

*UPDATE* I posted a new version of the video starring myself.

The Plot Thickens

My idea for a comic book/graphic novel superhero who promotes historical literacy gained some serious traction today with this suggestion featured on The Daily Dish:

"A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? How's that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them. Whatever you think of President Bush, he's a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share," - Kathryn-Jean Lopez, NRO.

Until now the concept had been fairly hazy in my mind, but now a legitimate (and terrifying) nemesis is materializing. Once I storyboard my origin narrative, I'm golden.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I've been biking, playing tennis, and conducting an imprecise archaeological excavation of my parents' basement. The first truckload (of many) went to the dump today. Not quite as dashing as Henry Jones, Jr., of course, and much less groundbreaking than Heinrich Schliemann, but also much more humane than Giovanni Belzoni, and hopefully less ill-fated than Howard Carter.

For those who are curious, my total mileage to date is 46.59.

Happy 4th!

May your Independence Day be drenched in the blood of tyrants. Or a good potato salad.

E-Day Plus One: Murphy's Law

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Well, I had my money on a flat inner tube stymieing my progress within the first few days: a cynicism that was bred into me last summer when a staple fragment gave me five flats in a week and a half.

But, on just the second day of car-free month, the culprit is a broken pedal. As I headed back from the Lock 7 stop on the bike path, I encountered an incline that proved to be my pedal's Boot Hill:


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Not a debilitating malfunction, of course, but an uncomfortable one. I'll be biking - slowly - over to Plaine's in the morning to see about a quickie replacement.

Today's tally: 10.78 miles.

The Dog Days

To my eye, nearly everything during this election has been accelerated. The tremendous energy and hot air expended during the primaries has left something of a vacuum. People are worn out. There'll be a second wind, a late season push, but we are now in "the Dog Days," and that's a little ahead of schedule.

I'm very familiar with the Dog Days. Not because I live in upstate New York where, like my brethren at similar latitudes, we experience the meteorological schizophrenia of a climate that can go from ten below to a hundred degrees and humid within five months. No, I'm familiar with the Dog Days because I'm a Mets fan. And, unfortunately, one of the main announcers on SNY - the Mets channel - is Keith "I Was on 'Seinfeld'" Hernandez. Keith is an egomaniac and, worse yet, Keith is repetitive. So if you ever want to hear a not-ready-for-the-Hall-of-Fame player get all misty-eyed talking about how much better he is than today's major leaguers, tune in to Channel 66.

In his defense, Hernandez also likes to repeat certain phrases. Carlos Beltran, the Mets' centerfielder, can't move his legs without Keith saying "Oh, just look at that. Such beautiful strides." Thankfully, his producers have toned down his macho act. This is the guy who chided a member of the San Diego Padres' staff for being in the dugout. Because she was a woman:

The former MVP first baseman said women "don't belong in the dugout" when he spotted 33-year-old Kelly Calabrese, the Padres' full-time massage therapist, high-fiving Mike Piazza in the dugout after he hit a home run during New York's 8-1 victory Saturday in San Diego.

After Hernandez found out later in the broadcast that Calabrese was with the Padres training staff, he repeated that she shouldn't have been there. "I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout," he said.

Hernandez, a former Mets star, then laughed and said: "You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there -- always have."

Maybe that turn on Seinfeld wasn't so far-fetched. Can you be typecast if your only two credits are one episode of a sitcom and mustache-dye commercials?

But one of Keith's favorite hobby horses is talking about the Dog Days. Every lackluster play from late July through August will be attributed to the oppressive heat of summer.

Dog Days, Dog Days, Dog Days.

This is why I turn the volume down when I watch.

Right now Americans are a little bit overwhelmed by the unwieldy coverage of the election. We are in the political Dog Days, where the average person has reached her capacity to follow and - frankly - to care about the candidates.

There will still be overblown news stories, like Wesley Clark's prompted gaffe, which El Ranchero dispatches handily here. And there will most definitely still be overblown non-news stories like this:

WASHINGTON (AP) — People would rather barbecue burgers with Barack than munch meats with McCain.

While many are still deciding which should be president, by 52 percent to 45 percent they would prefer having Barack Obama than John McCain to their summer cookout, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll released Wednesday.

Well, I'm glad that's settled. Though I heard having a beer with Bush isn't nearly as cool as all those fellas thought back in 2004.

E-Day: The Reckoning

I opted for a post title wholly at odds with what actually took place.

E-Day felt like any other day.

I woke up a little later than usual, having gone to bed a bit later.

Did a lot of work around the house, which prevented me from going out much.

Played tennis at the Lishakill Pocket Park, which was my main physical activity for the day.


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And I did a fair amount of grocery shopping yesterday, in anticipation of how much less convenient my life would be over the course of the next four weeks.

So not much biking. Too bad because today was gorgeous.

Just 6.82 miles to be exact. I'll keep a running tally. Maybe there's some cool Google widget I can find to add to my blog.

On the plus side, I didn't overdo it the first day, which will make me all the more likely to bike it up tomorrow.

E-Day Minus One: The Rules

Tomorrow I begin my Herculean - or, some might say, Sisyphean - task of eschewing personal car travel for a month.

Here are the rules I'm setting out for myself:

1. bike as much as possible, not just out of necessity, but for exercise and fun, too. Like on the Mohawk-Hudson Bikeway or over to The Crossings of Colonie.
2. riding in a car is permitted in special circumstances (e.g. attending Matt & Judi's wedding in my tux)
3. driving a car is permitted in emergency circumstances (e.g. medical crises; hauling junk from my parents' basement to the town dump in Dave's truck...if you're wondering how the second example constitutes an emergency then you have clearly never seen my parents' basement)

That's about it. Haven't worked out all the kinks. Still need a poncho, for instance. And I don't have any saddlebags (they militate against the "cool/rugged mountain biker" look I'm going for*), so grocery shopping will be hit & run, but I think that's a good thing.

Wish me luck.

I'll leave you with some words of wisdom from "Bicycle Race," lyrics by Freddie Mercury. It's got it all: drugs, patriotic symbols, photo ops, French elitism, religion, Nixon, McGovern, and bicycles. So poignant in an election year...

You say "coke," I say "caine"
You say "John," I say "Wayne"
"Hot dog" - I say "Cool it, man -
I don't wanna be the President of America."
You say "Smile," I say "Cheese!"
"Cartier" - I say "Please!"
"Income tax," I say "Jesus -
I don't wanna be a candidate
For Vietnam or Watergate!"
'Cuz all I want to do is ...

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

* also militating against the "rugged/cool mountain biker" look is the silly helmet that sits atop my gargantuan cranium.

How Could I?

Months ago, I wrote a mammoth post on the worst movies of all time. In it I singled out Con Air and Battlefield Earth for special derision.

But just now, watching a 60 Minutes report on Will Smith, I realized that any discussion of terrible films must include a mention of Wild Wild West. Nine years on, Kenneth Branagh should still be ashamed of himself.

Friday night I watched Be Kind Rewind, which I liked, yet it called to mind Envy. Its small budget is the only thing saving it from supreme crapitude.

E-Day Minus Two

July 1st is "E-Day" for me, the opening salvo in my light-hearted skirmish against petroleum-based transportation.

I had considered other names. "D-Day," though appealing to a history teacher, smacks of hyperbole. "B-Day" (for "Bike Day") might prompt confusion and unsolicited singing in restaurants. "G-Day" (for "Green Day") would conjure up either Australian folksiness in its abbreviated form or over-produced punk rock in its extended version.

So "E-Day" it is. "E" for "Energy." And, since I'll be blogging about the experience, "E" for "Electronic."

Today's forecast is thunderstorms. I'm preparing for a wet month.