Yes I Can

And now for some selfish bragging:

My electoral prediction - as per my comments on Derek's blog - was 365-173. Here's Nate Silver, statistician extraordinaire, from FiveThirtyEight.com weighing in on the final tally:

The Omaha World-Herald and several other news organizations have called Nebraska's Second Congressional District, which incorporates Omaha and some of its suburbs and exurbs, for President-Elect Barack Obama...

...This brings Obama's haul from Tuesday evening to 365 electoral votes...

In the interest of full disclosure, I guessed Missouri and Indiana wrong. Thought MO would be blue and IN red. Providentially, each state garners eleven electoral votes, meaning my overall call was still spot-on.

Remember, Remember

Yes we can?

That's old news:



An updated rhyme for November 5th, 2008:

Remember, remember the Fourth of November,
the unlikely candidate's bid.
Perhaps we should ban the phrase "Yes We Can,"
since yesterday We - in fact - Did.

On a personal note, I'm more numb than euphoric. Nothing has sunken in yet. As someone inclined toward studying history, I have trained myself to detect nuance and extract meaning from minor and obscure moments. My feelings about it, therefore, are akin to Epicureanism. But when history happens in a wave - as opposed to a steady, subtle drop, drop, drop - it overwhelms the system a bit. And in that way I'm just as helpless as anyone else in figuring out exactly how I feel today.

This, however, I know: The United States grew up last night. If you're an optimist you might read in this election the affirmation of our founding ideals. If you're a pessimist, you might believe this is an isolated triumph in the long, slow decline of the Republic. But regardless of where you sit on that spectrum, this individual event is unmistakably positive.

However our current struggles and problems play out, we can be justifiably proud of this moment. And no matter what happens to the President-Elect (I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about his safety), nobody can take it away.

Yes We Can

July 27th, 2004:



November 10th, 2007:



January 8th, 2008:



January 20th, 2008:



March 18th, 2008:



July 24th, 2008:



August 28th, 2008:



(UPDATE)
October 29th, 2008:

Hiatus

It was sort of strange, in mid-August, to announce that I was going "on vacation" to Memphis. Of course, I was already "on vacation" from school. One could argue - rather convincingly - that one does not require respite from relaxation. But, however awkward the concept may be, I feel a similar spell coming on.

As school starts and I'm diving into my classes (including the re-imagining of an elective I created, my labor of love, "The American Century"), I find myself with less and less time to even think about writing. I began this blog with the intent of organizing my thoughts in situ, displaying the little souvenirs of reflection I collected during periodic rambles through my mind. You know, that and YouTube videos. And it certainly satisfied that objective early on. But now I find it becoming an afterthought. So it's time to take a break. Even if I haven't posted enough recently for a complete stoppage to be considered a "break."

Not sure when I'll be back or if I'll write an entry from time to time in the interim, but I will return.

My Sentiments Exactly

This blogger on The Huffington Post echoes my thoughts on Joe Biden. Like him, years ago, I was channel-surfing and caught the Senator from Delaware handing John Ashcroft his un-electrocuted testicles while demanding accountability for U.S. torture. It is an issue that has received a disturbing cold shoulder from the media and - when pressed - the American public seems mostly to offer either an indifferent shrug or a 24-induced, full-throated war cry.

Despite his shortcomings that we'll all be hearing about in the next couple of months, this moment alone crystallizes why I'll have no problem getting behind the Democratic ticket:



The only C-SPAN moment during the Bush Administration that I found more compelling was Al Gore's speech on Martin Luther King Day, two years ago:



I had that on in the background while working on my computer - with no idea who was speaking. As the speech went on, I found myself getting goosebumps. I pretty much lost my shit when I realized it was Al Gore, a man not usually associated with words like "rousing" and "fiery orator."

"Cats and dogs, living together...mass hysteria!"

This won't be the first time this blog has taken a feline-centric turn and it won't be the last, but this remixed viral video from Slate is pretty clever.

Clever like a cat.

Also, I'd like to give a shout-out to Bailey, Matt & Judi's new golden retriever puppy. Not only will you have to live with Flannery, the Demon-Spawn, but you'll also have to endure your formative months with Matt teaching you how to behave. Oh, sweet, impressionable Bailey. Good luck coming out the other side even halfway normal.

Dogs can read blogs, right? It (kinda) rhymes, so it must be (kinda) true.

Apples to Apples

Let me go on the record as saying that until there is genuine/massive reform in the area of campaign finance, Americans live in what can only be described as a plutocracy. Therefore, charges of "elitism" and "who's richer than whom" among politicians are the easiest (and most banal) of campaign attacks. I don't see much to be gained by comparing the body counts of Hitler with Stalin's with Mao's with Saloth's. And I see even less to be gained by comparing Bush with Kerry with Obama with McCain in terms of their personal finances.

That being said, this is gorgeous:



It gets extra points for rejuvenating a catchy tune that has saturated the commercial market.

More "Fun with Feist" on Sesame Street:

I'll Have What He's Having

Back from the trip with much to tell, especially about the gastrointestinal delights and debacles I met with in The South.

Until I muster the courage to detail my introduction to chitlins, enjoy this:

The Devil Went Down to Georgia...

...I'm going to Tennessee. Off to Memphis for a week or so to visit my esteemed friend and road dog, Mr. William Joseph Childress. For those of you familiar with Willis, you know that I'm in for some good hospitality, hearty laughs, and memorable meals.

We'll be taking side trips to Louisiana and Kentucky as well and most likely hatching nefarious schemes for future travel now that he and his wife Lacey are back from their two-year stint in China with the Peace Corps.

Have a great week, everyone.

PS. Speaking of old friends, check out this cartoon by my friend/former housemate James "Clocktower" Parkinson, who is now doing stand-up comedy out in Seattle. He sent it to me the other day. I haven't told him yet, but I think his T-Rex voice sounds like Professor Frink. The roar is delightful, though. As is the humming of the Jurassic Park theme at the end.

All Aboard the Pickles Bus!

"Let's take this show on the road, shall we?"

Awhile back, I wrote a post on half-dill pickles. Just for funzies, I sent it to McSweeney's "Reviews of New Food." They wrote back almost immediately to tell me that I'd be published.

And today I was. Check it out. Third entry down.

Rainbow Connection?

I would laugh harder at this if I knew more about the lady. If she's just your run-of-the-mill, paranoid conspiracy nut, that's one thing. If she's genuinely disturbed, that's another.

Aside from being a clinic in how to misspell words and how to hold your camera at arbitrary angles (at the end), it makes for an idiosyncratic but nonetheless concise example of how badly the public's trust in the government has eroded. Much of this is for good reason (the Pentagon Papers, the trumped up intelligence on Iraq), much of it isn't (the Moon Landing, the fluoridation plot).

Anyway, if there is a conspiracy involving rainbows, I wouldn't finger the government first. My bet is on it being the vanguard of the Pro-Gay Agenda with its "San Francisco values." Maybe even the Log Cabin Republicans. They're just growing their brand. Why not grow a little grass at the same time?

Movin' on Up

Courtesy of The Daily Dish:



There is something deeply funny about that. Also: seventy-five years is an eternity in world-historical time.

E-Month: The Wrap

Well, if this month's experiment with a biking-only existence were real science, the data would be...inconclusive. I went three full weeks sticking to the plan. Then I got a flat tire. And then the rains came. And then certain errands (for which a car was considerably more convenient) beckoned. None of these obstacles was insurmountable, but - taken together - they vanquished my enthusiasm.

Ironically, I feel healthier since I broke down and used my car. I'm going to the gym more often now that it's easier for me to do so. So let's grade this lab, shall we?

Performance - C-
Mission Accomplished? - F
Fun (when it wasn't raining) - B+
Fitness (due to my lack of ambition) - C
Better Understanding of the Effect of Local Infrastructure on Lifestyle - A-

I feel a modicum of lameness for not following through, but I did get a taste for it, which was the point all along.

Anyway, speaking of potentially unattainable goals, I'm trying to raise $527 on my Obama fundraising site. Please give a few dollars if you're willing and able.

Straight Talk on Gay Adoption

I've corrected student essays from lower-level classes that don't mince words as badly as this:

STEPHANOPOULOS: What is your position on gay adoption? You told the “New York Times" you were against it, even in cases where the children couldn’t find another home. But then your staff backtracked a bit. What is your position?

MCCAIN: My position is, it’s not the reason why I’m running for president of the United States. And I think that two parent families are best for America.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Well, what do you mean by that, it’s not the reason you’re running for president of the United States?

MCCAIN: Because I think — well, I think that it’s — it is important for us to emphasize family values. But I think it’s very important that we understand that we have other challenges, too. I’m running for president of the United States, because I want to help with family values. And I think that family values are important, when we have two parent — families that are of parents that are the traditional family.

STEPHANOPOULOS: But there are several hundred thousand children in the country who don’t have a home. And if a gay couple wants to adopt them, what’s wrong with that?

MCCAIN: I am for the values that two parent families, the traditional family represents.

STEPHANOPOULOS: So, you’re against gay adoption.

MCCAIN: I am for the values and principles that two parent families represent. And I also do point out that many of these decisions are made by the states, as we all know. And I will do everything I can to encourage adoption, to encourage all of the things that keeps families together, including educational opportunities, including a better economy, job creation. And I’m running for president, because I want to help families in America. And one of my positions is that I believe that family values and family traditions are preserved.

Huh? Get some sleep, Senator. It's a looong way 'til November.

Out of the Mouths of Babes

One of my favorite Chris Farley routines from SNL was his role as the hapless and ham-fisted - yet endearing - interviewer. He spoke to celebrity heavyweights as a man on the street, asking obvious questions and more often declaring a movie's awesomeness than actually performing any journalistic function.

If he'd been a political wonk rather than a movie buff, the skit might've gone something like this:

Hey, remember way back in August of 2007 when Obama said "If we have actionable intelligence about high-value terrorist targets and President Musharraf won't act, we will" and he was called "irresponsible" and "dangerous" by his Democratic opponents? And the White House backed away, emphasizing joint action? And then last month, the U.S. conducted its fifth strike against al-Qaeda targets in Pakistan since January?

Yeah, that was awesome.

Remember...remember when Obama said it's important for the U.S. to conduct talks with enemies as well as allies, that we can't afford to simply freeze out leaders of rogue nations, and that stubbornness is not synonymous with strength? And Clinton called him "naive" and Bush went out of his way (Israel's out of the way, right?) to paint him as an appeaser? And then this past week it was announced that officials from the State Department would meet with Iranian nuclear affairs officials without Iran first meeting the precondition of suspending its enrichment of uranium?

Yeah, that's what they call...call a "reversal," right?

Remember when Obama set forth a plan and timetable for troop withdrawal, saying that the onus of long-term security should be placed on the shoulders of Iraqis? And that U.S. soldiers were needed elsewhere, especially in Afghanistan? And he was called a typical, cut-and-run liberal, pining for surrender? And then this week Bush & Nouri al-Maliki agreed to a general time horizon for reducing combat forces in Iraq? And Maliki publicly declared his support for Obama's plan?

That was f%#$in' awesome!

I'm sure Obama can expect apologies from his critics any day, right? At this point, I'm not sure if the media's failure to cover this reflects their willful ignorance or their incredulity at an "inexperienced" candidate using "good judgment." The cognitive dissonance must be deafening.

In other news, I saw The Dark Knight yesterday. Believe the hype. I will be seeing it again next month. In Memphis. In IMAX.

Mileage is up to 136.33. I did NOT ride my bike to the theater last night. Thunderstorms and tickets to the midnight showing made two wheels seem like an imprudent choice. Lame, I know. But nearly three weeks in, I'm learning how un-bike-friendly my suburban environment is. My neighborhood has a Walk-Score of "15" out of 100. This is classified under "car-dependent," which to my mind is a good indicator of a similarly low - however hypothetical - Bike-Score.

Shrews, Untamed

This was on The Daily Dish a few days back. Definitely worth a look:


Link: sevenload.com

E-Day + 16: More Than Halfway

Send a JibJab Sendables® eCard Today!

Not a bad jib-jab. Better than a terrorist fist jab at any rate. Things are quiet here. Mileage count is up to 112.99, well below my stated goal of "biking as much as possible," but hopefully that will pick up in the weeks to come. I have noticed that I've become much more efficient in my travels since shedding the engine.

*UPDATE* I posted a new version of the video starring myself.

The Plot Thickens

My idea for a comic book/graphic novel superhero who promotes historical literacy gained some serious traction today with this suggestion featured on The Daily Dish:

"A totally crazy Saturday-morning thought: Wouldn't George W. Bush make an awesome high-school government teacher? Wouldn't it be something if his post-presidential life would up being that kind of post-service service? How's that for a model? Who needs Harvard visiting chairs and high-end lectures? How about Crawford High? (Or wherever?) Reach out and touch the young before they are jaded, or break them of the cynicism pop culture and possibly their parents have passed down to them. Whatever you think of President Bush, he's a likable guy in love with his country with some history and experience to share," - Kathryn-Jean Lopez, NRO.

Until now the concept had been fairly hazy in my mind, but now a legitimate (and terrifying) nemesis is materializing. Once I storyboard my origin narrative, I'm golden.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend. I've been biking, playing tennis, and conducting an imprecise archaeological excavation of my parents' basement. The first truckload (of many) went to the dump today. Not quite as dashing as Henry Jones, Jr., of course, and much less groundbreaking than Heinrich Schliemann, but also much more humane than Giovanni Belzoni, and hopefully less ill-fated than Howard Carter.

For those who are curious, my total mileage to date is 46.59.

Happy 4th!

May your Independence Day be drenched in the blood of tyrants. Or a good potato salad.

E-Day Plus One: Murphy's Law

View Larger Map

Well, I had my money on a flat inner tube stymieing my progress within the first few days: a cynicism that was bred into me last summer when a staple fragment gave me five flats in a week and a half.

But, on just the second day of car-free month, the culprit is a broken pedal. As I headed back from the Lock 7 stop on the bike path, I encountered an incline that proved to be my pedal's Boot Hill:


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Not a debilitating malfunction, of course, but an uncomfortable one. I'll be biking - slowly - over to Plaine's in the morning to see about a quickie replacement.

Today's tally: 10.78 miles.

The Dog Days

To my eye, nearly everything during this election has been accelerated. The tremendous energy and hot air expended during the primaries has left something of a vacuum. People are worn out. There'll be a second wind, a late season push, but we are now in "the Dog Days," and that's a little ahead of schedule.

I'm very familiar with the Dog Days. Not because I live in upstate New York where, like my brethren at similar latitudes, we experience the meteorological schizophrenia of a climate that can go from ten below to a hundred degrees and humid within five months. No, I'm familiar with the Dog Days because I'm a Mets fan. And, unfortunately, one of the main announcers on SNY - the Mets channel - is Keith "I Was on 'Seinfeld'" Hernandez. Keith is an egomaniac and, worse yet, Keith is repetitive. So if you ever want to hear a not-ready-for-the-Hall-of-Fame player get all misty-eyed talking about how much better he is than today's major leaguers, tune in to Channel 66.

In his defense, Hernandez also likes to repeat certain phrases. Carlos Beltran, the Mets' centerfielder, can't move his legs without Keith saying "Oh, just look at that. Such beautiful strides." Thankfully, his producers have toned down his macho act. This is the guy who chided a member of the San Diego Padres' staff for being in the dugout. Because she was a woman:

The former MVP first baseman said women "don't belong in the dugout" when he spotted 33-year-old Kelly Calabrese, the Padres' full-time massage therapist, high-fiving Mike Piazza in the dugout after he hit a home run during New York's 8-1 victory Saturday in San Diego.

After Hernandez found out later in the broadcast that Calabrese was with the Padres training staff, he repeated that she shouldn't have been there. "I won't say that women belong in the kitchen, but they don't belong in the dugout," he said.

Hernandez, a former Mets star, then laughed and said: "You know I am only teasing. I love you gals out there -- always have."

Maybe that turn on Seinfeld wasn't so far-fetched. Can you be typecast if your only two credits are one episode of a sitcom and mustache-dye commercials?

But one of Keith's favorite hobby horses is talking about the Dog Days. Every lackluster play from late July through August will be attributed to the oppressive heat of summer.

Dog Days, Dog Days, Dog Days.

This is why I turn the volume down when I watch.

Right now Americans are a little bit overwhelmed by the unwieldy coverage of the election. We are in the political Dog Days, where the average person has reached her capacity to follow and - frankly - to care about the candidates.

There will still be overblown news stories, like Wesley Clark's prompted gaffe, which El Ranchero dispatches handily here. And there will most definitely still be overblown non-news stories like this:

WASHINGTON (AP) — People would rather barbecue burgers with Barack than munch meats with McCain.

While many are still deciding which should be president, by 52 percent to 45 percent they would prefer having Barack Obama than John McCain to their summer cookout, according to an Associated Press-Yahoo! News poll released Wednesday.

Well, I'm glad that's settled. Though I heard having a beer with Bush isn't nearly as cool as all those fellas thought back in 2004.

E-Day: The Reckoning

I opted for a post title wholly at odds with what actually took place.

E-Day felt like any other day.

I woke up a little later than usual, having gone to bed a bit later.

Did a lot of work around the house, which prevented me from going out much.

Played tennis at the Lishakill Pocket Park, which was my main physical activity for the day.


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And I did a fair amount of grocery shopping yesterday, in anticipation of how much less convenient my life would be over the course of the next four weeks.

So not much biking. Too bad because today was gorgeous.

Just 6.82 miles to be exact. I'll keep a running tally. Maybe there's some cool Google widget I can find to add to my blog.

On the plus side, I didn't overdo it the first day, which will make me all the more likely to bike it up tomorrow.

E-Day Minus One: The Rules

Tomorrow I begin my Herculean - or, some might say, Sisyphean - task of eschewing personal car travel for a month.

Here are the rules I'm setting out for myself:

1. bike as much as possible, not just out of necessity, but for exercise and fun, too. Like on the Mohawk-Hudson Bikeway or over to The Crossings of Colonie.
2. riding in a car is permitted in special circumstances (e.g. attending Matt & Judi's wedding in my tux)
3. driving a car is permitted in emergency circumstances (e.g. medical crises; hauling junk from my parents' basement to the town dump in Dave's truck...if you're wondering how the second example constitutes an emergency then you have clearly never seen my parents' basement)

That's about it. Haven't worked out all the kinks. Still need a poncho, for instance. And I don't have any saddlebags (they militate against the "cool/rugged mountain biker" look I'm going for*), so grocery shopping will be hit & run, but I think that's a good thing.

Wish me luck.

I'll leave you with some words of wisdom from "Bicycle Race," lyrics by Freddie Mercury. It's got it all: drugs, patriotic symbols, photo ops, French elitism, religion, Nixon, McGovern, and bicycles. So poignant in an election year...

You say "coke," I say "caine"
You say "John," I say "Wayne"
"Hot dog" - I say "Cool it, man -
I don't wanna be the President of America."
You say "Smile," I say "Cheese!"
"Cartier" - I say "Please!"
"Income tax," I say "Jesus -
I don't wanna be a candidate
For Vietnam or Watergate!"
'Cuz all I want to do is ...

Bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle bicycle bicycle
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride my bike
I want to ride my bicycle
I want to ride it where I like

* also militating against the "rugged/cool mountain biker" look is the silly helmet that sits atop my gargantuan cranium.

How Could I?

Months ago, I wrote a mammoth post on the worst movies of all time. In it I singled out Con Air and Battlefield Earth for special derision.

But just now, watching a 60 Minutes report on Will Smith, I realized that any discussion of terrible films must include a mention of Wild Wild West. Nine years on, Kenneth Branagh should still be ashamed of himself.

Friday night I watched Be Kind Rewind, which I liked, yet it called to mind Envy. Its small budget is the only thing saving it from supreme crapitude.

E-Day Minus Two

July 1st is "E-Day" for me, the opening salvo in my light-hearted skirmish against petroleum-based transportation.

I had considered other names. "D-Day," though appealing to a history teacher, smacks of hyperbole. "B-Day" (for "Bike Day") might prompt confusion and unsolicited singing in restaurants. "G-Day" (for "Green Day") would conjure up either Australian folksiness in its abbreviated form or over-produced punk rock in its extended version.

So "E-Day" it is. "E" for "Energy." And, since I'll be blogging about the experience, "E" for "Electronic."

Today's forecast is thunderstorms. I'm preparing for a wet month.

Night Rider: Series Pilot

Getting ready for the car-free July. Did my first night ride yesterday. Correction: did my first night ride with my new headlight and rear LED reflector. Some things I noticed that I'd forgotten since last year's travels:

• stagnant rainwater smells like fish caught from the Mohawk River
• this is primo roadkill season
• teenagers - fresh out of school - find nothing more novel or hilarious than a biker*
• biking is a really intimate way to get to know the landscape; slow & immediate, but, like a car, you also retain a sense of power and remove. It's like the difference between watching a movie and a movie in HD. Bikes are Hi-Def. And extensions of the self. I think biking is akin to what a cyborg feels.

* I think the teenagers were just jealous of my LED reflector. It has three settings. One of them looks just like the front red lights on Kit.

For the Underemployed and Overpaid

Years ago, a guy who played pick-up basketball with me railed against news of a teacher strike in Schenectady:

"Oh, God! Bunch of whiny bastards. I wish we could all work from 8-3 for nine months of the year. What do they want now? Everybody knows they're overpaid."

He had no idea I was a teacher and I had no interest in disabusing him of what is a commonly-held opinion.

I don't typically get too defensive when it comes to doing what I do. Some of the criticism is valid, at least from the perspective of the layperson. I'll admit, one of the BIG perks of teaching is the schedule. However, I flatly reject any claim that I work "only 180 days a year." Yes, that's the number of school days, but what (good) teacher leaves her work at school?

Not that your typical taxpayer understands that. Nor should he be expected to. We're not martyrs. And those of us overly concerned about what others think of our chosen profession might want to consider another career.

But, like anybody else, we do occasionally need a boost. Or some time to recharge our batteries. Summer works just fine. As does this YouTube video sent to me by a former student:



It's a poetry slam, so histrionics are par for the course, but it's really satisfying how animated he gets over spelling and final paper drafts. Plus the bad guy in the poem is a lawyer and everybody knows they're overpaid.

Not-So-Arrested Development

Jason Bateman confirms there will be a movie version of the best show on t.v. in recent years:



It'll be good to see the gang up to their old tricks. Sorry. "Illusions."

And We Have a Winner...

...for Stephen Colbert's Green Screen Challenge.

John McCain is finally exciting:

Only the Good Die Young

I wrote an epitaph for Charlton Heston that I thought befitted him, but what can you say about George Carlin's death except:

Shit
Piss
Fuck
Cunt
Cocksucker
Motherfucker
Tits


1937-2008

"Become Free of Liars, Thieves, and Tyrants"

Someone's got the right idea.

I'm moving.

I Endorse

It has been observed that there are seven basic types of blog post. And while I would like to think that this blog occasionally aspires to a higher plane of content, that might not be the case.

Even so, I'm going to do something I've never done before. I'm going to endorse a business. Namely: Plaine & Son. This bike & ski superstore has been nothing but uninterrupted fair dealing and premium service since I bought my two-wheeled slice of heaven there last April.

Everyone in the store is an expert, which is typical of specialty shops. What is NOT typical is the degree to which they are forgiving of your lack of expertise. Have you seen High Fidelity? The John Cusack movie based on the Nick Hornby novel of the same name about Rob the Music Store Snob? That resonates with me. Because I love music and I know a little bit about it. Enough, for instance, that I know when someone is condescending to me in a record store. It is an all-too-regular occurrence, part of the "fetish properties" industry.



Well, not so over at Plaine & Son. Maybe that's not abnormal for bike shops. Last summer I had a bad run of flat tubes and finally had to bring the bike into (the now-defunct) Capital Board & Board for a diagnosis. Not only did they charge me a mere $4+ for the service (turns out there was a renegade staple fragment eluding my examinations) AND a new tube, but they were exceedingly kind about the whole thing.

This is the vibe I get over at Plaine & Son, too. P&S is a little pricier, to be sure, but if a little extra change helps keep that place running on all cylinders, it's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.

In the interest of getting ready for my car-free July, I headed over there yesterday to buy a light for the front and a blinking reflector for the back. On the phone they said service might take 3-4 days. They had it back to me, fully-installed, in 3 hours. The service tech told me - if I wanted to wait - he could have it back to me in a half hour.

"Can you stick around, brah? I'll get ya right in the rotaysh..."

And, unfortunately, brah, I couldn't stick around. But it made my day.

Buy what they're selling.

Of Nerds, By Nerds, For Nerds

Snipe & Snape

Two completely unrelated tidbits:

Slate's John Dickerson with some excellent reporting on the dubious effect of Hillary supporters for McCain.

A viral video with which my junior classes were absolutely obsessed:



It is pretty catchy.

Note: Expect more blog posts to trickle in these days as my school responsibilities fade into summer vacation. I also plan to post on my planning for and execution of my car-free July.

The Shark Tank Redemption?

Check out the name of the resort being terrorized. Probably not what Andy Dufresne had in mind when he moved there.

Also, the movie parody upon which this post title is based is pretty funny. Part 1 is here. Part 2 is here.

Superduperdelegates

I've already made the point that my support for Obama was foreordained, but it's worth noting that both George Lucas and Pulitzer Prize-winning artist Bob Dylan are betting on Barack.

Half-wracked prejudice leaped forth
"Rip down all hate," I screamed
Lies that life is black and white
Spoke from my skull. I dreamed
Romantic facts of musketeers
Foundationed deep, somehow.
Ah, but I was so much older then,
I'm younger than that now.

- "My Back Pages," Bob Dylan

Blogsolescence

Oh, Rivers Cuomo, you win again. Catch up on five years of YouTube in a little over three minutes:

Democracy...or Else!

W in Iraq:

"Kick ass! If somebody tries to stop the march to democracy, we will seek them out and kill them! We must be tougher than hell! This Vietnam stuff, this is not even close. It is a mind-set. We can't send that message. It's an excuse to prepare us for withdrawal... There is a series of moments and this is one of them. Our will is being tested, but we are resolute. We have a better way. Stay strong! Stay the course! Kill them! Be confident! Prevail! We are going to wipe them out! We are not blinking!"

By me linking to Andrew Sullivan, who's quoting Ricardo Sanchez's quoting of Pres. Bush, I'm pretty sure that's triple hearsay, but - if true - it's kind of shocking. Never would have pegged George as a headbanger. He seems like more of a Neil Diamond-lover.

Note to reader: I know the name of my blog is aggressive, but I'm not much for bellicosity. I'm more of a "When in the course of human events..."-kind of fighter. And even then I'd probably be dipping my quill rather than priming my rifle.

Sing It, Ray

A simple but effective tool for dispelling noxious rumors:

No Dice

I FINALLY heard from Fulbright today. They made the decision to arrange an exchange to Ghana with another American teacher. Obviously, I'm bummed out, but I would like to say thanks to everyone for your well-wishing. My scheming to travel and work at the same time continues...

Savage Lives Up To His (Fake) Name

Right-wing radio host Michael Weiner takes a page out of John Gibson's book and tries a little black comedy on for size:

No gloating today, no laughter, all serious. You don't joke about a man's cancer. I do it, but I won't do it today; it's something I will not do.

You know I'm playing the Dead Kennedys not to mock Ted Kennedy. It's just appropriate, that's all.

Though calling that "comedy" is a bit merciful on my part.

I'm confused. Aren't Democrats "The Party of Death"?

The Perfect Storm

Most of the time I believe in free will. Occasionally, however, I wonder if my support for Barack Obama's candidacy wasn't predetermined.

Consider the following:

The Decemberists at the Obama rally in Portland:



"July, July" on my blog here.

Decemberists' guitarist Chris Funk appears on The Colbert Report to take on Stephen in the "Countdown to Guitarmaggedon" here and here.

Obama's appearance via satellite on The Colbert Report at the taping I attended here.

I know this is no cosmic coincidence; I'm hardly the only person in the U.S. to harbor such preferences. But it doesn't feel like a choice either. Barack is just piling it on now.

To paraphrase Rob Gordon from High Fidelity, "Do I like Obama because I listen to indie rock...or do I listen to indie rock because I like Obama?"

Holy Galloping Teeth, Batman!

A little long, but cool just the same:


MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.

Did you spot the Q-Bert reference?

Dust Off Your Dance Shoes

Papa Bear pumps up the jam:



And Colbert sympathizes here.

Paging Dr. Rove

I was wrong. The Republicans will be talking about gay marriage ahead of schedule.

Least Important Post Ever?

And still you read it. I've blogged on some pretty insignificant stuff in the past, but I just want to say that John McCain's wife creeps me out. Of course, the only spouse of a candidate with relevance for this election - in my opinion - is William Jefferson Clinton; the Constitution has no guidelines for the role a former president would play in his wife's administration. But there is something sinister about Cindy McCain. Imagine a sequel to Village of the Damned in which the cursed hamlet is menaced by the grown-up children:

I'm going to stop writing about this before she invades my mind and convinces me not to care about her tax returns.

You Could Set Your Clock To It

Time was we'd be approaching midsummer before the Right started marching out tired old hobby horses like this. Maybe I'm old-fashioned, but I just think it would have been nice to have the Democratic nominee decided before we indulge the Republicans in their hollow, election-cycle fear-mongering. But I suppose everything in this campaign season has been accelerated. I guess that means we'll be hearing about gay marriage in a couple of weeks. That'll make for some stunning contortions of logic. I can't wait until someone goes on Hannity & Colmes trying to sell the idea that Obama is both a secret Muslim extremist AND a Sodomite hellbent on destroying the sanctity of marriage. How do Islamists view homosexuality again? Oh, right. Well, no matter what, I'm with Hamas.

The Misogyny and the Prodigy

My good friend and one-time roommate Matt - knowing my love for both vintage ads and YouTube - sent me this tonight:


And it got me thinking about Hillary Clinton.

As aggravating as the last few months of the campaign have been, the end is in sight. I have been impressed with the degree to which Obama has kept his cool and resisted the temptation to resort to identity politics. Though - I should add - I've followed his trajectory for nigh on four years now and have seen no viable evidence that he's ever been all that tempted in that regard. Maybe that detracts from his political courage, but it certainly speaks on behalf of his political maturity.

I can't say the same for Senator Clinton. She has done more pandering, faked more accents, donned more disguises than her opponent. More unfortunate than talking about the gas tax holiday from the back of a vintage pickup truck (the good ol' days? subtle!) were the few times when she lapsed into paleo-feminist victimhood. Sexism is very much alive and well in the United States. And electing a woman president would go a long way toward assuaging that historical inequality. Just the sight of it. Americans are visual learners. They need to see a powerful woman before they will believe it's possible. And the same is true with African Americans. It's a puzzling bit of circular illogic you hear from West Virginians and others. "I won't vote for Obama because the country's not ready for a black president." And how will we know when we're ready? When we vote for one, of course.

But it's still a tricky business. Not voting for candidates because they're female or black is ignorant while voting for candidates because they're female or black is merely shallow and anti-meritocratic. What's a voter to do? Hopefully vote on the basis of other issues. It appears that many people have done just that during this primary season. Hillary deserves a lot of credit for being a trailblazer. It has not been easy for her to find (and keep) her voice. In the end, from where I sit, Obama beat her fair and square. Yes, there's Florida and Michigan, but can any Clinton supporter say - with even a modicum of intellectual honesty - that they'd be as adamant about the "disenfranchisement" of those renegade delegations had Obama carried their majorities? He's outmaneuvered, outraised, and outsmarted the most powerful and most popular Democratic family since the Kennedys.

I am anxious to see how Clinton will make her dénouement. My prediction is that she will end her campaign as she ran it: making excuses. Maybe I'm being pessimistic. Or maybe I'm just blowing smoke.

Lorne Again

It's been a long time since I cared about SNL, which is a little sad since it was the center of my comedic universe when I was twelve or so. Just ask my family, beleaguered as they were by me impersonating Dana Carvey impersonating George H.W. Bush. I can't really envision a scenario in which the show becomes relevant to me again, but I do think Kristen Wiig (of Virgania Horsen's Hot Air Balloon Rides fame) is a rare talent:



She's the next Gilda Radner. Just kidding. There's no one like Gilda Radner. Just kidding. I wasn't even alive when Gilda Radner was acting. Just kidding. I was, but I was a baby. Just kidding. I was a man baby. Just kidding. Just kidding.

Neologism for the Weekend

I congratulated myself a few weeks ago when I coined the word "pregret" in my head until I found out that it already existed. Maybe my latest creation is already out there, too...but, dammit, here goes nothing:

"Hillarious"

Hil·lar·i·ous

Pronunciation:
\hi-ˈler-ē-əs\

Function: adjective

Etymology:
irregular from Latin hilarus, hilaris cheerful, from Greek hilaros, from Hillary Rodham Clinton

Date: 2008

: foolishly impractical especially in the blind pursuit of unattainable [personal] goals (contrast with "quixotic," which is characterized by the foolish pursuit of ideals)

— Hil·lar·i·ous·ly adverb

— Hil·lar·i·ous·ness noun

You Can't Write This. Or Maybe You Just Can't Write.

From the same people who forgot about the 1936 Berlin Games:

Yes, let's. I nominate my mom to be Chancellor of the Spellchequer.

Head in the Sand

Economics has never been my strong suit, but let's just pretend for a moment that I'm a moron. I'll give you some time. Don't need any? Ouch. Ok, here's what I want you to do. Explain this quote from Hillary Clinton in a way that it'll make sense to me:

"I believe it would be important to get every member of Congress on record....Do they stand with the hard-pressed Americans who are trying to pay their gas bills at the gas station or do they once again stand with the oil companies? That's a vote I'm going to try to get, because I want to know where people stand, and I want them to tell us - are they with us or against us when it comes to taking on the oil companies?"

Taxes are small fees placed on purchased goods and services that provide the government with its revenue, right? How exactly would lifting them - temporarily - impact oil companies? You know, besides increasing demand and giving them the perfect opportunity to raise prices? How did anyone allow the self-applied label "policy wonk" to stick to this senator? If she believes this tripe (and I don't think she does), then she's less competent to be president than I thought. Listen, when you're stuck in the desert, you don't spend all your effort coaxing the last few drops out of the canteen. You get out of the desert.

Seven Minutes in Heaven...

...if your "heaven" looks like a political news montage. This video cuts through the last five months, give or take. On the one hand, it would seem to work only if you've been paying attention. My guess is that a coma patient waking up today could watch it two or three times and feel completely caught up.

NuClio Away!

Correcting Fox News would be a full-time job (that unfortunately very few of their editors are interested in doing), but it's nice to see that my superhero gambit wasn't completely silly:

Crackabones

In anticipation of my August trip to Lafayette, LA to visit the incomparable Dwight David - a fellow teacher who's retiring to his family's estate - I've been reading Mike Tidwell's Bayou Farewell. It's a repository of homespun wisdom and a snapshot of life "down de baya," but it also contains some eerily prescient passages on the Gulf Coast's vulnerability to hurricane damage. Published in 2003, you can almost see Katrina on the horizon.

Tidwell also took notice of the preponderance of billboards for chiropractors in southern Louisiana - doctors who specialize in treating the occupational aches and pains of the shrimp trawlers, crab fishermen, & oil workers who live and toil down there. The cajuns call them "crackabones."

Well, after following the orthopedist's instructions to a 't,' my own back trouble has plateaued at "tolerable, but subnormal." So I think it's time for a visit to the crackabones. Has anyone out there been? Any advice you can give?

And if de crackabones don't work, is de barbecue cure for moi.

Viva la Street Meat!

For Willis, an enthusiastic carnivore who has been away from American-style indulgence for almost two years, a Drew Carey exposé on bacon dogs.

The meme that short-term risks like food poisoning are somehow more threatening to public health than long-term risks like heart disease has always been troubling for me. If we base our laws on a desire to curtail the potential for individual harm, how can we justify the legality of cigarettes? Second-hand smoking regulations, they make sense. Person A is endangering Person B without Person B's explicit consent. But Person A, he can mesquite-ify his own lungs, so long as he's footing the bill for the inevitable treatment he'll require.

This debate is at the crux of the controversy over universal health care. If the public picks up the tab for preventable diseases, doesn't it also deserve to mandate preventive care? Given how nebulous and subject to fluctuation is the science regarding what ails ya, the notion of codifying dictates based on the latest in medical research is scary. Aren't pharmaceutical and oil lobbyists bad enough? Do we really want to facilitate the rise of the Medical-Industrial Complex?

Well, let's toll that bridge when we come to it. In the meantime, hands off the bacon dogs. Uncle Sam was a butcher, you know. And, Willis, I'll see you at Five Guys Burgers & Fries come August.